Before we can change anything about ourselves, it can be helpful for our logical minds to learn about itself, to understand a bit about how our human nervous system works so we understand patterns of how we respond to change.
Humans can change, we can learn ‘new tricks’ but only when we feel safe.
Only when we are not triggered by danger, threat, or panic, before we become overwhelmed by survival mode, can we be open for change and do something differently.
Only then can we pause to embrace the power we do have in the moment.
We have all heard that children cannot learn if they go to school hungry, without breakfast. Their bodies, their nervous systems are pre-occupied with Maslow’s hierarchy – air, water, food, shelter first. If those are missing, the body puts on the brakes, automatic re-direction toward self-care. No learning, no change until there is primary fuel for growth and change.
If change does not seem to come, if re-training for a new behavior is a struggle, we need to ask ourself “what feels unsafe?” Focus, listen to your fears. Rather than ‘facing’ or confronting fear, the essential first step to feeling safe enough to change is for our mind to be open to listen to our fears. Her is where we need to breathe, feel even the smallest bit of safety first so we can feel safe enough to just begin to listen to our fears.
In mindfulness, and in all the lineages of yoga traditions, we are instructed to focus on our breath. Why? Our body needs air first, every few seconds. Safety first. Water, food and shelter come after air. Breath is primal and primary – necessary for anything else can happen. So when our mind focuses on the breath, we can relax. We unconsciously acknowledge our primary need for is fulfilled! Success! We can exhale (and inhale)! This is the same teaching as “put your oxygen mask on yourself first”. “First things first”. Then we can attend to, learn other things. This isn’t selfishness, it’s self-care.